This Week's Rant: Potpourri Part 2

Okay. Lemme put this out. Obesity isn't a disease. Okay? It's not. People complain, "Oh it is. Everything tates good. And...airplane seats...they're too small for someone like me." Yeah, they're not. Because if they were, we'd only get twelve people on that plane.

Speaking of fat people and airports, why is it that I get the same carry-on luggage amount as some guy who's 250 pounds? We'd both be allowed about 7 pounds worth of carry-on luggage. I wanted to go, "No! He's used his 7 pounds on his tits!"

I saw an elderly lady bending down. I thought she was looking for a contact lens or something, but as I got closer, I realised she had osteoporosis.

What's with these people using their cellphones and drinking their coffee while they're driving? Come on. There's less embarrassing ways to die here, people.

If I was in charge of the Olympics, I'd award whoever came last the gold medal, because they're the only ones not taking steroids.

After reading Humpty Dumpty in a book of fables, I found that the best egg-beating device would be a hoof.

Only in America will some guy sue a hotel because he got his privates stuck in a pool pump lining.

The more horny and courageous a guy is, the more chance he'll have of severing his balls.

A fun thing to do with a restaurant suggestion box: write down every little thing that annoyed you while you were in there, down to the ugly waitress picking her nose.

A good pricing system for a restaurant: for every thing that had a negative impact on your eating experience, you should be able to reduce the total price down a bit. Undercooked beef - MINUS a dollar! Ten minutes longer than you'd like making your food - MINUS three dollars! Screaming child that was not thrown out - MINUS ten dollars!

I swear, one of these days I'm gonna relax so hard, I'll end up in a coma.

You wanna know what TRUE fear looks like? A guy running down a street wearing no pants. If you ever see that, run with that man, 'cos there is some scary stuff coming the other way.

If you're out late with your buddies, and you decide to leave early, something totally fun and exciting and one-time-only is gonna occur ten minutes after you do.

A typical ignorant family: Fat parents, two dumbass kids, all wearing backpacks and I'm With Stupid t-shirts. Apparently the Stupids are an extended family.

For those who play Counter-Strike a lot: The dual elites ARE a good buy, their only drawback is that they reload slow. And that anyone who uses them is instantly labelled a noob by the mingebags.

Leet (gamer) talk translations: 1337: d00d u r a 5700p1d h@x0r. English: Stop making it unfair for the honest folks, please!

You know you're having a bad day when you decide to look for a new job and find out that your current job  is on the "We Need These" list and you're unqualified.

Look out for more miscellaneous thoughts in the next part of Potpourri.