This Week's Rant: Love Is Lost

I've never been lucky in love. I figure it's because I'm an intellectual, and the girls prefer dumb guys with all the cash. Crap. It's almost a lost thing now, anyway, since couples are only in it for the late-night bedroom antics. Then they go and cheat on each other during the day, to be followed by more bedroom antics. I was willing to be dedicated to just one girl, but how am I supposed to do that when all the girls I meet are sluts? Huh! I'm the only guy who would pay a stripper to keep her clothes on! But I digress. Love is a lost cause; there's not much we can do at this point, except cheat.

"Do you accept Visa?"

In The News: Woman Gives Birth To Seven Children In Egypt

Holy hell, seven kids in one delivery. That must've been scary. Maybe they were in penetration for three days, who knows. I don't think they'll wanna do it again for a loooong time after this.

Weekly Random Thought

In regards to Katy Perry and her song "I Kissed A Girl": okay we get it. You're a lesbian.