I've decided to post a blog on some funny jokes 'n' stories I've heard from various people and books. Just so I can type something. Read if you want some good laughs (WARNING: Viewer discretion is advised).

A man has the words "I Love You" tattooed to his dick. He goes home to his wife, the wife says "Stop trying to put words in my mouth!"

An old Jewish guy is walking down an alleyway, sees a lamp, picks it up, dusts it off, and a genie pops out. The genie says "I can grant you one wish." The old Jewish guy pulls out a crumpled map. He says, "you see this area? It's called the Middle-East. There's been nothing but war and bloodshed there for centuries. Can you do something about it?" The genie replies, "even with my power, I can't do anything about that. Do you have another wish?" So the old Jewish guy says, "I've been married for over 40 years and my wife has not once given me a blowjob. Could you get her to do that? Just once?" And the genie says, "...can I take a look at that map again?"

A convict just got sent to prison. He's sitting there, crying, and an older convict sits down next to him and says, "look prison ain't so bad. Uh, you like movies?" The first convict says, "yeah I love 'em." "Every Monday they show a movie on the screen. You like baseball?" "Yes, it was my favourite sport." "Every Tuesday we arrange a baseball game. You like Italian food?" "Yeah!" "In the cafeteria they serve Italian stuff all Wednesday. Lemme ask ya one more thing. Are you a homosexual?" "Uh, no..." "Ah you're not gonna like Thursday.."

A father goes into his son's room. He says, "Son if you keep masturbating you're gonna go blind." The son says "I'm over here, dad."

A vampire goes to a bar and asks for a cup of hot water. When he gets it, he takes out a used tampon, dips it in the cup. The bartender says "what are you doin'?" The vampire says, "I'm making tea."

Three gay guys are sitting in a hot tub. Suddenly a bunch of bubbles and sperm break at the surface. One of the guys say, "Alright who farted?"

A man goes to a doctor. The doctor gives him suppositories. A week later, the man comes back and says "these aren't working." The doctor says, "are you sure you're taking them right?" The man replies with, "Of course I am! What am I supposed to do, shove 'em up my ass?"

A guy was doing his girlfriend and says to her, "You got a tight cunt and no tits." The girl says, "Get off my back."

When the guy took her home she said "kiss me where it smells." So he drove her to New Jersey.

A man goes to his doctor, as so many men do in these jokes, and says, "doc I got a really embarrassing problem. I keep letting off these silent farts - oop, there goes one now, and they're really smelly and nasty-oh, I just let off another. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first off, you're going deaf."

A boy comes home and says, "dad! I got my first blowjob!" His dad says, "great son, how was it?" The son said, "Tasted awful."

A week later, the boy comes home and says, "dad today I had sex with my English teacher!" His dad replies, "well that's great son you are now officially a man. So are you gonna do it again tomorrow?" "Nah, I gotta give my ass a few days to heal."

The boy comes home again the next week and says, "dad! Today the teacher asked a question that only I could answer!" Dad goes "great! what was the question?" The boy says, "who farted?"

Key Words: Jokes Funny Laugh Mature

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